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Thursday, July 11, 2013

Women are not fat

With time, women gain weight because we
accumulate so much information and wisdom
in our heads that when there is no more room,
it distributes out to the rest of our bodies.
So we aren't fat, we are enormously cultured,
educated and happy.
Beginning today, when I look at my rear in the
mirror I will think...
“Good grief, look how smart I am!”.
- from Ann F.
                     ------------------------------
Moral: When you change the way you look at things, the things you
look at change - Wayne Dyer


       Taken from:
Doc's daily chuckles
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Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Hammer

A man is in court for murder and the judge says 'You are charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer.'

Then a voice at the back of the court says, 'you bastard.'

Then the judge continues, 'you are also charged With beating Your daughter to death with a hammer.'

Again the voice at the back of the court says, 'you bastard.'

The judge says, 'now we cannot have any more of these outbursts from you or I shall charge You With contempt, now what is the problem?'

Then the man at the back of the court says, 'fifteen years I lived next door to that bastard and everytime I asked to borrow a hammer he said he never had one!'
 

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Sunday, July 7, 2013

Are you my son?

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair all different colors, green, red, orange, blue, and yellow. The old man just stared.

The young man said, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"

The old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son.

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