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Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Monday, August 22, 2011

Three lawyers and three engineers



Three lawyers and three engineers are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, each of the three lawyers buys a ticket while the three engineers buy only one ticket.
“How can the three of you travel on one ticket?” asks a lawyer.

“Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer.
Aboard the train the lawyers take their respective seats while all three engineers cram into the restroom and squeeze the door closed behind them.
When the conductor comes around collecting tickets, he knocks on the restroom door and says, “Ticket, please”. The door opens a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.
The lawyers are impressed with this clever idea. One the way home from the conference, they decide to copy the engineers’ technique. At the station, they buy a single ticket for their return trip. To their astonishment, the engineers don’t buy a ticket at all!
“How in the hell are you going to pull this off?” asks a lawyer.
“Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer.
They board the train. The three lawyers cram into one restroom and the three engineers cram into the other restroom.
Shortly after the train departs, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and knocks on the other restroom door. “Ticket, please!”



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Saturday, July 30, 2011

God created Donkey

God created


God created the donkey and said to him.
"You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years."

The donkey answered: "I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20 years"
God granted his wish.
*******

God created the dog and said to him:
"You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend.
You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years.
You will be a dog. "

The dog answered: "Sir, to live 30 years is too much, give me only 15 years."
God granted his wish.
*******

God created the monkey and said to him:
"You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks.
You will be amusing and you will live 20 years. "

The monkey answered: "To live 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years."
God granted his wish.
*******

Finally God created man ... And said to him:
"You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth.

You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals.
You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years."
*******

Man responded: "Sir, I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little, give me the 30 years that the donkey refused, the 15 years that the dog did not want and the 10 years the monkey refused."
God granted man's wish
*******

And since then, man lives 20 years as a man ,
Marries and spends 30 years like a donkey,
Working and carrying all the burdens on his back.

Then when his children are grown,
He lives 15 years like a dog taking care of the house and eating whatever is given to him,
So that when he is old,

He can retire and live 10 years like a monkey,
Going from house to house and from one son or daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.

That's Life. Is'nt it ??????????

*******



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Friday, July 29, 2011

Thinking on your feet

Thinking On Your Feet...
A wife and her husband were having a dinner party for some important guests. The wife was very excited about this and wanted everything to be perfect.

At the very last minute, she realized that she didn't have any snails for the dinner party, so she asked her husband to run down to the beach with the bucket to gather some snails.

Very grudgingly he agreed.

He took the bucket, walked out the door, down the steps, and out to the beach. As he was collecting the snails, he noticed a beautiful woman strolling alongside the water just a little further down the beach. He kept thinking to himself, "Wouldn't it be great if she would even just come down and talk to me?"

He went back to gathering the snails. All of a sudden, he looked up, and the beautiful woman was standing right over him. They started talking and she invited him back to her place. They ended up spending the night together. At seven o'clock the next morning he woke up and exclaimed, "Oh no!!! My wife's dinner party!!!"

He gathered all his clothes, put them on real fast, grabbed his bucket, and ran out the door. He ran down the beach all the way to his apartment. He ran up the stairs of his apartment. He was in such a hurry that when he got to the top of the stairs, he dropped the bucket of snails. There were snails all down the stairs.

The door opened just then, with a very angry wife standing in the doorway wondering where he's been all this time. He looked at the snails all down the steps, then he looked at her, then back at the snails and said,

"Come on guys, we're almost there!!"





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Thursday, July 28, 2011

Santa Banta

Banta’s Letter To Bill Gates
Subject: Problems with my new computer
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. There is a button ‘Start’ but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.
2. We find there is ‘Run’ in the menu. One of my friends clicked ‘Run’ he ran up to Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to ‘Sit’, so that we can click that by sitting.
3. One doubt is whether any ‘Re-Scooter’ is available in system? I find only ‘Recycle’, but I own a scooter at my home.
4. There is ‘Find’ button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this ‘Find’ button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
5. My child learnt ‘Microsoft Word’ now he wants to learn ‘Microsoft Sentence’, so when you will provide that?
6. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows ‘My Computer’: when you will provide the remaining items?
7. It is surprising that windows says ‘My Pictures’ but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that.
8. There is ‘Microsoft Office’ what about ‘Microsoft Home’ since I use the PC at home only.
9. You provided ‘My Recent Documents’. When you will provide ‘My Past Documents’?
10. You provide ’My Network Places‘. For God sake please do not provide ’My Secret Places‘. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
One personal question.. How is it that your name is Gates but u are selling WINDOWS?
Regards,
Banta






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Wednesday, July 27, 2011

send this page to a woman

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What do you do all day??

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and 20 wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, and so the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.

In the front room, the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, break fast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife... He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door.

As he peered inside, he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys thrown over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went...

He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?'
She again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?'
'Yes, ' was his incredulous reply.
She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it...'